Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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