one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
