Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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