Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My feet surprised me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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