he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
