I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
