White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
