You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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