Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
