Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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