She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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