I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
