It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
