I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize