I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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