dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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