my phone needs a breathalizer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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