Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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