Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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