In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
