Girls should come with a carfax report
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
