I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
