So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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