Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
