While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
