Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
