and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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