'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
