Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
