i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
