Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
