I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
