We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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