there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
