why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
