Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
