I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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