Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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