My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
