You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
time to smoke my breakfast
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
