Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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