dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
