Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
