he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
