I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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