I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
