nut hugger
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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