Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
