he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
