just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
