I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
