actually, I'm a sock model
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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