Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
