Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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