I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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