I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
