he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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