cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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