I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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