I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
