They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
