Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
