she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Every concussion has its silver lining
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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