what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
