i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
