Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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