As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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