the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
