He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
