i wish my penis had a tongue
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
