Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
