Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
