took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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