Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
