Yo dont text me then not text me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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