dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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