She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
