Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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