He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
