jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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