That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
