I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
