I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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