Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
